Monthly Archives: September 2012

Bad habits die hard…good ones start even harder

I wish knowing what you should do was as helpful as doing it. I know what a healthy slender person eats. I know the traps to avoid. I know the counterparts to many unhealthy behaviors. I know how to exercise appropriately. I know the needed actions to lower cholesterol, to improve BMI, to improve balance, muscle tone, and core body strength. I know I should floss daily and brush at least twice a day.

Knowing isn’t enough. Knowing what to do and how to do it doesn’t make it happen. Practice makes it happen. Intent makes it happen, until it becomes ingrained as a habit.  I don’t know what happened to my grooming habits.  I remember as a child the required morning and nightly tooth care, the daily bedmaking, the weekly put your room in order.  Somehow I didn’t take that with me – at least not permanently, when I left home.  Perhaps as I grew to reject the shame and chaos of my childhood, I also set aside the good things.  About 8 years ago,  in my mid 50’s, I was replacing my eyeglass lenses because the old ones were to0 scratched. The optician recommended I clean them each day with warmwater and liquid soap. I complained that was hard to remember. He suggested, ” Just wash them as often as you floss your teeth.” If I washed my glasses as often as I flossed my teeth,  I’d miss out on lots of reading!

I always floss the day I go to the dentist. I remember seing a cartoon strip where the character shows up at the dentist with small bandaids crossed all across his gums.  The dentist remarks, “Adam, I see you flossed this morning!”  I don’t think we fool our dentist or her hygienest.  We only fool ourselves.  I always report in questionnaires that I floss – ashamed to admit I don’t follow this simple effective dental hygiene protocol.   I’ll do it for a week or two – always after a cleaning. I like the feel of those clean teeth with minimized plaque. But one session missed is usually enough to revert to the old default of neglect and drop the new pattern of self care.

Sometimes to carry out a healthy regimen, I need to pretend I’m caring for someone else.  If this person in the mirror were my child, I’d want her to develop the habit of brushing and flossing routinely; of always using sunscreen; of good sleep habits; of making healthy choices when eating and exercising.  I’d be firm but loving- helping her develop the habits and self discipline as a way to care for herself . And I’d want to do it without shaming or bullying. That’s not usually how I talk to myself.

Most, if not all child rearing practices encourage the development of good habits and routines. I remember all the parenting and child psych training about establishing routines, bedtime, meal time, after-school homework, etc..  If a child has poor sleep patterns, the solution is to develop routines that link activities (bath, bed, story, light out)  repeated consistently over time. The child learns and integrates the pattern.  The mind associates one step wit the next, and a habit is formed. Routines create predictability.  Predictability provides a sense of safety and reduces anxiety. Routines soothe us. They allow us to relax, to let go. They give us a consistent platform from which to start or end the day.  They are built with repetition, over time.

I’m planning on introducing some new simple routines. There are several tasks I would like to convert to habits.  I know I’m capable of developing habits – I have several that are not very helpful!

Take care, be well –

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Remember, this forum is not intended to be therapy.  I have no way to view your body language, hear your tone of voice, or see if your words and your displayed emotions are matching.  These are essential to effective communication and great tools for the therapist (and for the consumer when reversed.) I will attempt to be as helpful as I can. I will refer you the best I can to needed services. Even though I will not be your therapist, I am a health care professional bound by law and ethics to act to protect persons from harm. I am required to report my concerns of  harm to self or others, and suspected abuse of children and vulnerable adults.  I am located and providing these services in Washington State.

Again, I am open to communicating directly with you here.  If you have questions or concerns, please leave a comment. I will attempt to address the content if I can.

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Filed under behavior, change, counseling, emotional healing, habits, healing, mental health, patterns, Penny Milczewski, psychotherapy, Uncategorized, wellbeing

“Insanity” or change?

I started a weight loss program last week, deciding that my condition was not going to change unless I actually did something significantly different.  I find that I move along aware of the problem, thinking about the problem, wishing my habits would change, even planning to change, but not taking the steps needed.  (It reminds me of the long touted saying , ” Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”)  So I changed something.  I find I do better with support, so I joined an organized program.  Others like to take on these challenges with fierce independence. If there is something you want to change, choose a path that works for you, that addresses your challenges.

The process of making changes is interesting. I find that too often I start with goals that are too big.  I often start with the end goal. Transformation takes place one step at a time.  Think of building a house.  I picture the finished house, then start looking at all the aspects of completing a house and feel overwhelmed.  It’s not really an effective way to get things done. Breaking into pieces and identifying the sequence helps the task actually get accomplished.  Get the plans, get the permit, complete the foundation, raise the walls, build the roof… you get the picture.  Some people might call these baby steps and maybe they are. It’s a process of breaking down the task into segments that can be identified, defined, and accomplished.  If you skip any steps, the end product doesn’t materialize.

All projects, (losing weight, building houses, changing habits, seeking help) start with incremental steps. They take time and perseverance. Change is a project. My project is a pretty big one. I’m sure there will be roadblocks, maybe set-backs, but I intend to keep going toward completing the project, one do-able task at a time.

You can do this, too.

Take Care,

 

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Remember, this forum is not intended to be therapy.  I have no way to view your body language, hear your tone of voice, or see if your words and your displayed emotions are matching.  These are essential to effective communication and great tools for the therapist (and for the consumer when reversed.) I will attempt to be as helpful as I can. I will refer you the best I can to needed services. Even though I will not be your therapist, I am a health care professional bound by law and ethics to act to protect persons from harm. I will be required to report my concerns of  harm to self or others, and suspected abuse of children and vulnerable adults.  I am located and providing these services in Washington State.

Again, I am open to communicating directly with you through this forum.  If you have questions or concerns, please let me know. I will attempt to address them if I can.

Leave a comment

Filed under counseling, healing, mental health, Penny Milczewski, therapist

Elections and Wellness – an oxymoron?

I don’t know if it’s really possible to write a wellness post about an election, but I’m going to try.

I am struck by the attacks, negativity, fear, and blame that fills the convention speeches and the political ads, and the partisan rhetoric from much of the media while cloaking it in the name of news.  And I believe it is pervasive on both sides.

I am concerned about the energy all this spewing puts into our emotional environment.  We are surrounded by words and ideas aimed at creating fear and defensive responses.  Public relations /Advertising research shows that negative messages work. Why? Because they grab our attention where it is most sensitive and highly developed – responding to perceived threats.  So election of each candidate is described by the other as “the worst thing that could happen to -,” “the collapse of ­­–,” “the destruction of ­–,”  and so on. You get the picture.  We aren’t being asked to elect a president who will lead us reasonably and with good intentions.  We are being called to protect our families from ruin, death, and destruction.

To make matters worse, the claims of pending disaster have been accompanied by statements of “fact” that are clearly distorted, if not entirely fabricated. Why?  Because when humans are on alert for their safety, they tend to remember the information that comes with the threat.  You can always take back a false statement, maybe even apologize publicly for it.  But the original content remains in the mind of the listener, connected to the threat that accompanied it.

It saddens me to see that we as citizens and consumers accept these practices;  that we allow – perhaps even require our politicians to attack each other with lies and catastrophic predictions.  We reward this system by watching and contributing to the campaigns and PACs championing our cause. We have grown as desensitized to ranting politicians and media personalities as we have to the violence of today’s video games, television shows, and movies.   It has become normal. When did we lose all attempt to keep the claims truthful, to base our competition on true differences, and to welcome differences as something we can learn from?

My greatest concern is that this environment of fear and anger creates an emotional environment detrimental to our individual and collective wellbeing. What kind of energy are we creating in this country?  Our moods, our thoughts, our physical well-being respond to positive and negative input.  Do we truly believe that all this negativity has no impact on us?  I don’t.

There is significant research showing the varied impact of external stimuli on our brain waves, and consequently our mood, thoughts, and behaviors.   In the same way, we respond to negative words, negative moods, angry tones of voice, an intimidating presence, and threats of harm. Cooperation decreases, satisfaction decreases, creativity declines.  At a time when the U.S. needs to channel its accumulated wisdom, creativity, and cooperation to addressing the needs of the country and its people, we are engaged in vilifying those that disagree with us, building walls between groups that need to cooperate, and cultivating agitation.

We need to calmly collect ourselves and engage in meaningful problem solving. Our wellbeing depends on an internal sense of being able to creatively cope with the difficulties life presents: recognizing we can change some things and survive others. Seeing the world or the future as only a choice between annihilation and success creates an environment of unceasing tension and anxiety.  It is time to move from a fear-based view to a competency-based view, assured we can find solutions through cooperation, creativity, wisdom, and practice.

Think about turning off all political ads, not just the ones for the candidate you don’t support.  Turn off your candidate’s ads, too.  You do not need that negative energy in your life. You need support, rest, opportunity, creativity, and peace.  Vote for the candidate that will contribute to your well-being.

Be Well, Take care.

*********

Remember, this forum is not intended to be therapy.  I have no way to view your body language, hear your tone of voice, or see if your words and your displayed emotions are matching.  These are essential to effective communication and great tools for the therapist (and for the consumer when reversed.) I will attempt to be as helpful as I can. I will refer you the best I can to needed services. Even though I will not be your therapist, I am a health care professional bound by law and ethics to act to protect persons from harm. I will be required to report my concerns of  harm to self or others, and suspected abuse of children and vulnerable adults.  I am located and providing these services in Washington State.

Again, I am open to communicating directly with you through this forum.  If you have questions or concerns, please let me know. I will attempt to address them if I can.

1 Comment

Filed under emotional healing, healing, mental health, psychotherapy, relationship, wellbeing